My ex-boyfriend and I had a fight in front of Amber Heard, and she took my side. Hang on, hang on. Let me start over.
I am in Los Angeles to meet the actress for lunch. Your standard celebrity-profile lunch. The arrangement is fairly routine: I was afforded 90 minutes to meet a famous actress, talk about her role in _____ (in this case, Justice League and Aquaman), get to know her, get to know her well, and, ultimately, define her character and convey who she is as a human in 3,000 words or less. Reductive? Absolutely. Actually possible? I had my doubts.
Heard is running late — traffic on the 101, you know how it is — so I have a pre-interview glass of wine. When she arrives, we choose a table outside and settle into the approximated anonymity of a leafy patio and blazing sun. Dressed in a black linen dress and a black hat, she could almost go unnoticed. Almost. Up close, she has that glowy movie star complexion that radiates fame. (I later learn that the radiation is also due to Becca highlighter and Chanel concealer.) She wears lots of earrings — five in one ear, three in the other — and rings and bracelets and nothing matches and it’s all this cool, eclectic, la vie bohème jumble. I instantly want to be her.
Also, her right hand is covered in a huge white bandage. So I open with: “HiNiceToMeetYouWhatTheHell HappenedToYourHand.” (Glass of wine, empty stomach, don’t judge.)
“Turns out that decorative plastic trees are almost as flammable as their organic counterparts,” she says wryly. “I’m renting a place in Australia [while filming Aquaman], and it has one of those trees — and my assistant was lighting candles.” Pause. “I like a lot of fire around me.” (OK, reader, I know what you’re thinking: Was she speaking literally or metaphorically? I don’t know! Maybe I knew! I kind of had a hunch! But I couldn’t tell for sure!) “I smelled something burning, and the next second the whole house was full of black smoke.”